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Love at first sight. They see each other from across the room. Their eyes lock. Every other person fades out. The music starts. He walks over to her and it’s just as if they’ve know each other their entire lives. They kiss. They marry. And 2.5 kids later and a black lab, they live happily ever after. After all. It is a fairy tale.
I do a fair amount of relationship work with my clients. And it is no surprise that I hear the same complaints over and over again from both men and women. It is almost like both have forgotten that relationships take work.
I had one women with whom I have worked with over the course of the years tell me that monogamy is a thing of the past. For some yes. For many, no. When we reviewed her dating history, all of her relationships ended in infidelity, or simply she was ghosted. Digging deeper into this conversations, I asked if she was ever the one who committed the infidelity? She said yes. About a third of the time. When I asked why she stepped out? She said that she didn’t want to be the one getting hurt first. Hmmm…
When does causing pain ever justify not working for progress? There comes a time when you have to decide that being in a relationship is not all about you. I have had several clients {and friends} who have been married 4 or more times. Guess what? It’s not them. It more than likely is you. Marriage often gets a bad rap. Despite having a bad rap, the divorce rate continues to decline. The whole 50% of all marriages end in divorce has not been true for quite some time. A marriage is just like a fairy tale. They both take work.
I often get asked what’s the best advice you can give someone who is getting married? The short answer. If you’re not willing to give it your all, especially when your partner clearly isn’t, marriage is not for you. Yes a healthy marriage is reciprocal. But you can’t control that. All that you can control is what you’re putting into a relationship. I am not suggesting that you endure a lifetime of unhappiness. I am suggesting that it is very rare that you and your partner are going to be giving your very best to the relationship at the same time.
I know of couples that broke up because one took ill. They literally left because their partner was in bed for a few weeks. I am not judging these individuals. I am however questioning if they ever loved their partner in the first place. Or, was it more like they loved the idea of how their partner made them feel?
So do fairy tales exists? I believe they do. But they do require work. And if you work. You may just see that happy ending that you are looking for.
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Source by Vance Larson
