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Time after time I meet women and men alike who, in spite of failing to cultivate a successful intimate relationship, are afraid to develop Self-Awareness and get a hold on what makes them fail.
Their fear stems from different misconceptions about Self-Awareness. As long as they will not free themselves from these misconceptions and develop awareness, they are likely to keep sabotaging their relationships without knowing what they do wrong and how to change it.
I therefore find it important to describe 6 such misconceptions and emphasize the importance of Self-Awareness to one’s ability to develop a successful relationship.
6 misconceptions about Self-Awareness
Misconception 1: Only those who don’t know themselves well enough need to develop Self-Awareness.
The truth is, no one “knows 100%. who he is”. In addition, many who fail in their relationships – regardless of how intelligent they are (!) – fail for the simple reason that they don’t understand and realize how they harm their relationships. They might lack self-awareness even if they don’t admit and accept it (afraid that admitting it takes away from their self-esteem).
Misconception 2: Developing Self-Awareness involves constantly digging inside yourself.
While it is true that developing Self-Awareness is a process, as one proceeds with the process he isn’t constantly involved with digging inside. On the contrary, the more he continues with the process of Self-Awareness, the more he feels enlightened about the outcomes he attains in view of his ability to consciously choose reactions and behaviros leading to improved intimate relationships.
Misconception 3: Developing Self-Awareness changes you from “who you are” to someone else.
Those believing in this misconception wonder “Who will I be when I become aware?” They think they already “know” who they are and afraid to encounter someone “knew”.
This is not the case. Since developing Self-Awareness is process, it does not change a person over-night from A to B. Rather, it enables him to expand and:
* Become more than what he is at the present time;
* Get to know and understand things about himself he didn’t understand until now;
* Acknowledge and accept traits and behaviors that he denied in himself and rejected until now;
* Become more flexible in his reactions and behaviors as he interacts with his partners, rather than being controlled by automatic emotional and behavioral patterns.
All these enable him to consciously choose his responses and behaviors according to a specific situation, rather than hanging on to automatic behavioural patterns which sabotage him. For example, at times he can be assertive and at times aggressive; at times more talkative and at times more of a listener; at times acting according to his will and at times acting according to his partner’s requests, and so on).
Misconception 4: Self-Awareness is for “lost people” who “are looking to find themselves”.
This is certainly not the case. Self-Awareness is for everybody who feels it’s about time he gets a hold on what makes him fail in his relationships. Self-Awareness is appropriate for those who are truly motivated to find out what’s going on with their life and relationships and get up the courage to understand and realize factors which exert control over them and to take the necessary steps to make a positive change in their life and relationships.
Misconception 5: Developing Self-Awareness inhibits you from being spontaneous, driving you to think and analyze everything.
This is not the case: since developing Self-Awareness is a process, at the beginning you are aware of your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, reactions and behaviors – since only by being aware you can change whatever needs change – but with due time, as you continue with the process, being aware becomes a second-nature to you. It is like driving a car: at the beginning one has to be very aware of each move, but slowly, with time and practice, driving becomes an automatic behavior.
Misconception 6: Developing Self-Awareness is a process which requires hard work and much time, both of which come at the expense of other “important” things in one’s life.
Since developing Self-Awareness is a process, and not a one-time-deal, it is pursued at the pace appropriate to each individual. Therefore, you continue living your life and “doing your stuff” while developing your Self-Awareness at the same time.
Why is it important to reverse the 6 misconceptions?
We all strive to self-develop, self-actualize, reach for our dreams, be successful and have a satisfying relationship. Unfortunately, many of us are unaware as to how we hamper our own success. We are oblivious to what stands in our way from achieving what we want.
Developing Self-Awareness can place you on the right track to realizing how you shoot yourself in the foot and what you need to do in order to change. One way of sabotaging yourself is to keep hanging on to any one of these misconceptions about Self-Awareness, thus continue harming your relationships over and over again.
Getting up the courage to reverse it, develop Self-Awareness and realize how you sabotage yourself, will enable you to make the necessary changes and empower you to cultivate a successful and satisfying relationship.
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Source by Doron Gil, Ph.D.
