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One of the things that most inhibits our forward progress is the fear of making decisions. We’ve always been taught that we need to be careful because we might make a “wrong” decision. We panic over the possibility of making a mistake because we believe we need to be perfect, that mistakes aren’t acceptable. We also have a feeling of needing to control the outcome of events in our lives. So we agonize over decisions because we want to choose whichever path will lead to the greatest outcome, even knowing that we cannot predict the future and know what that outcome will be.
In order to change your life, you must change the way you think about it. You must shift your thinking so that it becomes impossible to make a “wrong” decision. Once you’ve made this shift, your decisions all become “no-lose” decisions.
Let’s look at the process we generally go through to make a decision. We begin by obsessing about the possible consequences of each course of action. Our brain takes over and asks “What if…” in an effort to predict the future and control forces over which we have no control. Often, since we know we cannot predict the future or control outside forces, we end up not making a decision; which, of course, means we have made a decision to maintain the status quo. Once a decision has been made, we constantly reassess our decision, hoping that the consequences turn out as we expected. We frequently second-guess our decisions with “if only…” statements.
Now let’s look at the process of making a no-lose decision. If both choices are viewed as “right” (there is no “wrong” choice), there is no reason to agonize over the decision. Thus, the shift that we need to make is to look at all of our options in terms of the positive outcomes that are possible. What are the good things we might expect? Every decision leads us to the opportunity to further explore our world; to learn and grow and experience life in a new way. Each path will provide us with opportunities, whatever the outcome. Notice: whatever the outcome. By choosing to look at choices as no-lose choices, we can detach ourselves from the outcome. We benefit from making the decision and moving forward in our lives, regardless of what happens.
As an example, you might be facing a choice about changing jobs. Your current position is comfortable and safe; the new position would provide a new challenge and the possibility of more money, but really is an unknown. Instead of agonizing over which choice will produce the greatest results, and asking “what if…” questions, look at the positives that will come from either choice. If you change jobs, you will have the opportunity to meet new people in a new environment and learn new skills. Even if the job doesn’t work out, you will have enriched your life. If you choose to stay in your current job, you have the opportunity to focus more intently on those parts of the job that are important to you and provide you with satisfaction.
So, what if it doesn’t work out? You change jobs and later decide that you don’t like the new job. Have you wasted your time? Of course not. You have discovered something valuable-a job that isn’t suited to you. Finding out what you don’t like may be as valuable as finding out what you do like.
What if you stayed in the old job and later got laid off? Was your choice a mistake? Not really. Not only have you learned from the experience, this has given you the opportunity to handle a situation. Each time you handle a situation, you see that you really will survive and this improves your ability to handle other situations. “Security is not having things, it’s handling things.”1 As you become more aware of your ability to handle things, you can respond to that negative “what if…” voice in your head with “I CAN handle it.”
The win-lose model that most of us use to make decisions can result in pain, worry and indecision. The no-lose model results in making decisions from a position of power and facing choices with enthusiasm. Why would we not choose the no-lose model?
There is a five-step process for using the no-lose decision-making model.
- Focus on the no-lose model. Remind yourself that there is no “wrong” decision, and that whatever the outcome, opportunities will abound. Each path will present you with new experiences.
- Do your homework. Learn whatever you can about the alternatives. Talk to others who are knowledgeable, read what you can about the alternatives. Talk to people who will support you in your decision, not those who will focus on the negatives. Making no-lose decisions does not imply making uninformed decisions or even quick decisions. It just means not agonizing over possible outcomes.
- Establish your priorities. Before making a decision, you need to do some soul-searching. What are your beliefs, what values are important to you? What things make you happy or lead to satisfaction in your life? You will then be able to choose the path that is more in line with your overall goals in life at this time.
- Trust your intuition. Often your body will give you signals. Even if you’ve made what you feel is a logical choice, but you have a “gut reaction” that says otherwise, learn to trust your instincts. Your subconscious mind may be telling you what is best for you.
- Lighten up. Realize that nothing is really that important. You are a lifetime student of the world you live in and your curriculum is your relationship with that world. If you choose path A, you will learn one set of lessons; if you choose path B, you will learn a different set. In both cases, you’ve experienced more of your world.
After you have made a decision, instead of constantly reassessing and thinking, “if only…” there are some concrete steps that will reinforce the value of the no-lose decision-making model.
- Let go of your picture. Release your expectation of the outcome. You know that you cannot control the future and so things may not turn out as you expected. Look for the silver lining. What good has come from the decision? Even if it didn’t turn out as you had hoped, what have you learned, whom have you met that may help you in the future, what new opportunities have opened up?
- Accept responsibility for your decisions. Don’t look for someone to blame if things don’t work out as anticipated. You don’t even want to blame yourself, but to recognize that you made a decision and no one “made” you do it. Again, focus on the opportunities that have been presented. When you can find the opportunity, it becomes much easier to accept responsibility.
- Don’t protect, correct. It is important to commit to your decisions, and give them your best efforts. But if it doesn’t work out, change it. If we release our need to have made the “right” decision, we don’t have to justify or prove ourselves right. We can quickly adapt to life and make a new decision to do something differently.
Perhaps you can now see how it is impossible to make a mistake-whatever choices you make are the right ones for you. Each “mistake” is merely an opportunity to experience another facet of your life, and learn how to handle situations. You will not succeed in every thing you attempt, as a matter of fact, the more things you do, the more chance there is not to succeed at something. But if you don’t try, you are guaranteed not to succeed. Focus on how rich your life can be from the adventures you are experiencing and you will keep winning!
This article is based on information found in Feel the Fear…and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers, PhD. The author of this article has been licensed and authorized by Susan Jeffers, PhD to present workshops based on the teachings of the book. For more information about upcoming workshops, visit http://www.infocustransitions.com.
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Source by Sherry Dawson
